There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
