someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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