separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
