You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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