Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
