Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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