He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize