why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All the doctor said was why
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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