3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize