You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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