I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i will never coherently bang her
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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