i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
