I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
