from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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