He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
