So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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