My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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