Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
