Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
