Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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