Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
