you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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