goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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