his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
