whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
