Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize