Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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