just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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