my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
