I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
