I wish my penis had an off switch
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
