do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
