So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize