You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize