I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So much Jack, so little girl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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