you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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