I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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