I need help removing her.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
do nipples grow back?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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