At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
