In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize