It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
