there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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