Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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