I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize