I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
