I've blown a few things in my day
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
