CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
