I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
