Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
