Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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