ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
