32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
