I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
