why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize