i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
