she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
