my vag is so smooth its legendary
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
