'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
