I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize