Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
