you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So apparently I’m into choking now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
