I'm going to jail i love you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
