I haven't been this sober since birth.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
