matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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