Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
