I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
