I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
