I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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