even my farts smell like vagina
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
