I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
